Block them out.
Yup, that’s it.
No catch. No long-winded introductions.
Straight to the point.
I used to be a people pleaser.
I cared so much about how people viewed me.
I gave away so much. Overextended myself for no reason. I even gave money to people when I knew I didn’t have enough.
Why?
I was brought up thinking that if I give everything away to people, they would like me.
Newsflash: That didn’t work out.
People won’t respect you
Especially if you are a people pleaser. They will take advantage of you. If you don’t set the correct boundaries, you will get stepped on.
I knew I needed to fix this. But a lot of the advice I was reading online didn’t explain how to stop caring.
I had to figure it out myself.
I tried everything.
- Faking it til I make it ❌
- Ignoring it ❌
- Being rude in retaliation ❌
None of them worked.
Until I decided that I would rather be by myself than in a place where I care what people think of me.
- Blocking it out ✅
Blocking out the opinions of others is not the same as ignoring it. It requires a different approach. You need to give it less power.
There are various ways you can go about this.
Mine was very drastic:
I stopped engaging in any group or environment where I felt that I would care what they thought of me.
I left Discord servers. WhatsApp groupchats. I cut off Instagram completely.
Where possible, I came back home to London instead of staying at uni.
All these decisions led to me hearing only one voice.
I built on myself quietly
I started doing 1 little thing that aligned with who I am.
I would listen to songs that I wanted to listen to. I would write about topics that people thought were weird. I would go out to the cinema to watch films that other people thought were cringe.
I got to know myself better.
I started forming opinions on things based on what I believed, not what other people thought. I started doing things just because I wanted to, not because other people felt it would fit me.
I gradually became the person that I always was.
The bottom line
It’s a lot easier to be yourself when you can’t hear what other people are saying about you.
When you give them less power and influence, you realise how much you were holding back.
For what? An opinion that doesn’t affect you at all?
Crazy, right?
I know what you’re thinking
“But, you are here, writing all this on the INTERNET! One of the most judgmental places in the world!”
Ironic, isn’t it?
It’s almost like it’s easier to not care what people think about on here when you don’t know them.
I only care about the opinions of people that I know.
Don’t get me wrong, I was scared of writing online. But the fear that held me back wasn’t the strangers that I would meet along the way.
It was the people who knew the old me, who were adamant on reminding me of how broken I was back then.
It put me off.
I knew I was better than that. And I hated the constant reminder of someone that I know I’m not.
Note to self: Remove anyone who doesn’t give you the room to grow.
From leaving the places where I felt the weight of other people’s opinions, I developed my own.
- I developed my own critical mind, full of unique ideas.
- I became a lot more diverse, adopting a wide range of views
- I realised that nothing in this world is black and white
- I learned to appreciate the grey
Now, I’m free.
A lot of this work was internal. But it was also spiritual.
“Bad company corrupts good character.” — 1 Corinthians 15:33
Bad company doesn’t mean that the people are inherently bad.
It might simply mean that the environment isn’t good for you right now. Things can change in a day, a week or even a year.
How do you know when it’s time to return?
This is a personal conviction.
Some places only have a single ticket. Others have a return. And that return could be at any point in your life.
As of current, I’ve returned to some of the group chats that I left. There are some that I plan to stay away from indefinitely. Likewise, there are others that I may leave again. And then return later.
Which, by the way, isn’t disrespectful.
You aren’t obliged to stay in an environment that’s making you feel like trash. Even if the people there aren’t to blame for it. Just communicate with them before leaving.
With that said,
You deserve to do the things that will make you happy. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, you’re doing just fine.
Letting go of what people think of you is a lifelong journey. It’s not a binary state.
Embrace the journey with the highs and the lows that it bears, and I believe it will be a lot easier to rise to the top.